EDITOR’S NOTE: This is probably the last chatlog article I’ll be publishing for a good long while. I’ve run out of old material (most of what you’ve seen in these articles have been 6+ years old), and my current chatlogs are more functional than they are silly.
IS IT EVEN LEGAL TO SHAVE A BABY?
Me: I don’t man… I don’t know. Not sure WHAT to tell you. Have you tried shaving your baby?
Me: Opps! Mistell!
C.B.: oh i shave my baby alright
C.B.: i shave it like a carrot
Me: I have never heard of shaving a carrot before
C.B.: oh well nm then
Me: I’m not against it, mind. I just never knew such a fabulous possibility existed
Me: Probably because most carrots don’t have hair
Me: Like, I never made the connection. But it IS brilliant.
C.B.: i dreamt i had feet for feet
Me: i once dreamt that i had fractally telescoping feet
Me: my feet sprouted a smaller set of feet, which in turn sprouted another set of feet
Me: and so
Me: AD INFINITUM
C.B.: oh my
Me: as you can imagine, this created a bit oif a problem, as my feet never quite touched the floor
Me: but rather, asymptotically got closer and closer to touching the floor
Me: without ever quite making it
Me: this made stairs exceptionally difficult
Me: and I was forced to wear special braces
C.B.: poor guy
Me: it’s ok, it was only a dream
C.B.: oh that’s right
C.B.: i was getting nervous for a minute
Me: it’s not like my fractal knees, which I assure you, are quite real
ROLL FOR INITIATIVE!
C.B.: did you see that?
C.B.: i think a kobold is under my desk
Me: all he wants is a small portion of your rations, or a little lamp oil
Me: in exchange for the ores you are extracting from his mine
Me: however, if he begins toying with your equipment, stay out of that area, because he is trying scare you away from his tribe’s cave, and continued efforts may cause them to attack en masse
C.B.: goddamn dude i think you’re right
C.B.: he’s just tinkering around and looking through my pack
C.B.: OH SHIT HE JUST LOOKED RIGHT AT ME
Me: of course I’m right, sirrah, I’ve only been the editor-in-chief of Oldman’s Bestiary for the last eleventy years
C.B.: ok it’s cool
C.B.: i thought he was going to do something else but he’s ok now
C.B.: ok i killed him
C.B.: i landed a critical hit and he went down easy
C.B.: i took all his money and a rope he was carrying around for some reason
Me: you have gained 30 xp
C.B.: that’s cool
C.B.: by killing this kobold i now feel like i’m better at picking locks
Me: I believe you may have just ‘leveled up’
C.B.: oh goody