Chatlog Fun: Volume Twenty-Two

Tom CashChatlog Fun, Humor Comments

LORDY B’GORDY

Charles Pepys

C.B.: Prof. Sloppy
C.B.: Dr. Slappy
C.B.: Mr. Slippy
C.B.: Col. Archibald Slop
Me: Sir Reginald C. Slurpin
C.B.: that guy is cool
Me: He’s ok. Trying living with him
Me: He’s always lording over me because he’s knighted
C.B.: oh yeah…
C.B.: what a fuckwad
Me: And he’s a dick about fridge space, too
Me: like say he orders a pizza (doesn’t offer me any, of course)
Me: and when he has leftovers, he refuses to wrap them up in tinfoil
Me: no, like a lazy asshole, he just sticks the whole pizza in the bottom shelf
Me: which would be fine, if he didn’t just move his own stuff, and take any of my stuff out and just sit it on the floor
C.B.: yeah that sounds like reggie to me
Me: he’s a fucking prick and I’m tired of his bullshit
C.B.: yeah actually that pisses me off too
C.B.: lets fuck him up
C.B.: FUCK HIM UP
Me: I’m down
Me: I get dibs on the tire iron
C.B.: that’s cool with me
C.B.: i’m just gonna punch him in the neck
Me: side, front, or back?
C.B.: yeah
C.B.: pretty much all around
Me: ok
Me: sounds pretty good
C.B.: i was just going to keep punching and see what happens
C.B.: that was my plan
Me: if you hit him on the base of the skull, near the back, it’ll cause a seizure
Me: keep that in mind
C.B.: ahh ok
C.B.: i’ll hit there first and we’ll see what goes on
Me: do you think, later on, you could torture him a little? I would do it, but I’ve gotta run my mom to the airport
C.B.: i guess
C.B.: i can until you get back, then i gotta jet, too
C.B.: i’ve been watching the old x-files seasons again
Me: I’ll try to get back soon. You know traffic gets bad around airports
C.B.: and i have a schedule all planned out
Me: Don’t trust TiVo, huh? yeah, me either. It’s a conspiracy


MORE INEXCUSABLY RACIST BULLSHIT

peyote trip

Me: My child wanted to learn more about Native American culture, so I arranged for him to partake in an authentic peyote vision quest.
Me: He didn’t like it
Me: And now he’s scared of Native Americans
C.B.: i also scalped him
Me: We dare not mentioned what was done with the peace pipe


HAM!

Pickle Surprise

Me: imagine if we manage to combine nanotech with bioengineering on a cellular level
Me: ham technology could be better thahn ever
Me: Forget honey baked ham
Me: FORGET IT, OKAY?!?
Me: We could take the DNA from honey bees and use it to produce a ham that naturally secretes its own honey
Me: and brown sugar
C.B.: i like where you are going with that science
C.B.: normally i hate science talk because of jesus and all
Me: oh yeah, me too
C.B.: but when you mix in ham, it’s something i like even more than jesus
C.B.: me? i’m a hamitarian
Me: HERETIC! I’m a Hamologist


AN ODE TO THE JERKY BOYS

Jerky Boys Frank Rizzo

C.B.: my. ass. hurt.
Me: thorry
C.B.: i wake up
C.B.: ass hurt
Me: pants unbutton?
C.B.: lol exactly
C.B.: i wake up! pants unbutton! tooth hurt!
Me: I have big red shanker

IS NICE, YES?

Borat

C.B.: you like to make the homo sex?
Me: i like to make the homosense
Me: i am a homosensual
C.B.: oh i like that


About the Author

Tom Cash

Hi! I'm Tom. I am on a journey of constant self-improvement, and I'm thankful that you've chosen to join me. I'd love to hear from you.