Chatlog Fun: Volume Nineteen

Tom CashChatlog Fun, HumorLeave a Comment

MY PENIS IS SHAPES

Question-Mark

Me: My penis is lenticular
C.B.: my penis is a question mark
C.B.: ?
Me: How do you resist the urge to hook it onto things?
C.B.: i don’t
C.B.: i hook it on anything i want
C.B.: it’s part of the rules of my house


I LIKE MY COFFEE BLACK JUST LIKE MY METAL/h5>

9u15u7pjuqcoffee

Me: i’m sleepy as a mofo
C.B.: same
Me: I like my coffee like I like my women…
Me: super hot and all over my balls
C.B.: BOOYA


GOODBYE, MOON

city_scape_final

Me: I want to be the first man in history to commit lunacide
C.B.: wtf is that?
Me: killing the moon
Me: I wanna blow up to goddamn moon
C.B.: oh snap
C.B.: lets do it
Me: think about it
Me: it causes waves
Me: and shit
Me: and like tides
Me: and werewolves
Me: fuck the moon
C.B.: yeah man fuck that piece of shit
C.B.: just hanging around earth for like, what? a million years
C.B.: GET A JOB MOON
Me: leaves his porch light on all night
Me: I’m fucking trying to sleep, you know?
C.B.: exactly
Me: See, the sun is an alright guy
Me: out during the day
Me: provides plants with the basis for photosynthesis
Me: nice to have at the beach
Me: the moon, though?
Me: creepy asshole, only out at night, staring at everybody

tumblr_lhis35yBYB1qbbclio1_500

Me: and a bunhc of smelly goddamn hippies dancing around it


MORE LIKE DEAD KENNEDY! LOLZ!

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Me: Ted Kennedy died
C.B.: yeah i killed him
Me: i wonder if he was wearing pants at the time
Me: you did? so I guess that’s a ‘no’ to the pants, then
C.B.: well he had them on at the time
C.B.: i took them off after
C.B.: but it doesn’t matter
Me: before, after, you did what you had to do


LAST OF THE BOHEMIANS

seal-team-6-uses-tomahawks-created-by-last-of-the-mohicans-weapons-master

Me: tonoka
Me: good trade
C.B.: tatonka
Me: oh shit
Me: what did I say?
Me: that was the word for “shit fucking” wasn;t it?
C.B.: you said sperm of racoon
Me: ohhhh
Me: well, that’s what I meant to say
Me: in my village, that’s our main export
Me: because Chief Crazy Fingers likes to jack off furry woodland animals
C.B.: gotta work with what you got i suppose
Me: yep
Me: the next village down primarily trades in recycled Jams shorts, high top Kicks, and hats with SUICIDAL written on the inside of the brim

About the Author

Tom Cash

Hi! I’m Tom. I am on a journey of constant self-improvement, and I’m thankful that you’ve chosen to join me. I’d love to hear from you.