Chatlog Fun: Volume Seventeen

Tom CashChatlog Fun, HumorLeave a Comment

RAINBOW SPANKLE

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C.B.: i thought you worked afternoons for some reason
C.B.: I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU MAN
Me: No way man
Me: I’m a morning guy
Me: I eat sunshine and shit rainbows
Me: I’ll fuck your horse, I don’t even care
C.B.: hahah


ALL HAIL THE BUTTERLORD!

touchdown-jesus

Me: I am the holy essense of butter, made flesh
C.B.: only through you can mankind gain entrance to the Hall of Butter
C.B.: sluuuuuuuuuuuuuurp
Me: Indeed. For I am the churn of the Gods, through my good works, the cream of the people is transubstantiated into the soft, salty goodness of the butter
Me: sorry
Me: that took awhile to type because i was on the phone with a lady and she had one of those voices that just bores into your mind a nd lays eggs
C.B.: ya
Me: that I could reach through the telephone wire and strike her womb barren, I surely would


MAYBE A PIG FARM?

Pig Farm

Me: I killed a guy
C.B.: hahaha
Me: feelin’ pretty good about it
C.B.: what are we going to do?
C.B.: we need to do something?
C.B.: i think so


SHIT TELEPORTATION

the-fly_592x299

C.B.: i just shit in my neighbors garage
Me: From work?
Me: That’s pretty fuckin’ impressive
C.B.: yeah i have a collapsible tube is use to do the job
C.B.: it’s powered by sorcery
Me: sorcery… is there anything it CAN’T do?
C.B.: exactly!
C.B.: I’m working on using sorcery to “phantom shit” in strange places
Me: like where?
C.B.: bread boxes
C.B.: ups packages
C.B.: time capsules
C.B.: airline attendant’s hats
C.B.: other people’s colons
Me: Time capsules
Me: Now THAT is an awesome idea
Me: “A fresh turd? But we buried this 20 years ago!”
Me: “It’s like that Nicholas Cage movie!”
C.B.: haha


YOU’RE A HORSE! YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

C.B.: YOU’RE A NURSE
Me: hahaha
Me: YOU’RE A HORSE! YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
C.B.: haha
Me: C.B., you make a difference
Me: Sorry, that should be, C.B., YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE
C.B.: YOU MAKE A DIYIYIYIYIFERNCE
Me: haha

About the Author

Tom Cash

Hi! I’m Tom. I am on a journey of constant self-improvement, and I’m thankful that you’ve chosen to join me. I’d love to hear from you.