I’ve been an active user of the Internet since 1995, and while there have been numerous changes over the years, one thing remains constant: when removed from the responsibility of having to directly be held accountable for what they say and do, people show their true colors. And unfortunately, a lot of people are closeted self-loathers that only know how to spread negativity around like a particularly unpleasant sandwich spread; so when they are removed from the need to be nice in order to keep from having their asses hand to them, they reveal their true nature – that of a hater.
Haters don’t know how to communicate with people, they lack the interpersonal skills to relate to others. Haters don’t know how to love, they only know how to hurt; and it’s not surprising, because how can you love somebody you don’t know when you cannot even love yourself? Haters are ultimately poisoning others with their toxic bullshit because there’s so much of it in their hearts that it can’t help but spill over onto everyone and everything else around them, kind of like a chocolate fountain filled with liquid shit.
Try not to think about that next time you see a chocolate fountain.
I have always been a little mystified by how easily somebody will, based on the most innocuous comment, call somebody an idiot online. It seems like this is exactly the opposite of the behavior they’d exhibit in a real world scenario. I’m willing to put on money on the fact that people who do this online are exactly the same people who sit quietly and seethe with anger, afraid to speak their minds. They need an outlet, and the Internet provides one that saves them the inevitable dental bill that will be incurred when somebody punches their teeth out like Chiclets.
So I’d like to take a moment to break down some of these behaviors, and what I think motivates them.
FOREVER ALONE / THE FRIEND ZONE
I think that the baseline for a good portion of these people can be attributed to the Forever Alone mentality. By my reckoning, this mentality is a combination of factors, which I will express as a mathematical formula.
A = A sense of entitlement
B = A lack of self-awareness
C = Impossibly high standards
D = A support network that delivers hard truths for the betterment of the individual (i.e. tough love)
E = Social ineptitude
[C(A + B) + E] – D
I’m missing an L, which would have made that “CABLED”, but never mind that.
The point is, if you proclaim yourself to be Forever Alone, it’s not the fault of the person or persons you wish to have a romantic relationship with, it’s your own unrealistic expectations and poor attitude that is to blame.
I have seen people with hideous facial scars, major birth defects, serious personality issues, and the like, who have happy, healthy relationships. Why? Because they haven’t been chasing what is, to them, unobtainable.
Another aspect to this is the simple truth that these sorts of people are incredibly shallow. They value nice tits and a pretty face over a sense of humor, the ability to have a great conversation, or even basic chemistry. And hey, if you’re looking to get laid, please understand that sex isn’t all that great unless you’re both way into one another. I mean, yeah, even bad sex is still good sex, but there is a big difference.
They say that a woman will know whether or not she wants to have sex with a guy within a few minutes of having met him, and that’s probably true; most women I know are more intimately aware of their body chemistry than most guys I know. But a guy who is self-aware and not constantly thinking with his dick is capable of this, too. To a degree. A lap dance can change that in under a second. What can I say? Men are biologically geared toward fucking as many women as possible. It’s a caveman thing, and no amount of emasculation or sensitivity is going to get rid of it.
By extension, we have the fabled Friend Zone. The Friend Zone is the logical conclusion of somebody suffering from the Forever Alone syndrome who has met somebody they like, but the chemistry is friendly, and not sexual or romantic. Try as you might, you cannot make somebody fall in love with you; that has to happen organically, and the harder you chase it, the more elusive it will become. And spare me that pick-up artist bullshit; the only people susceptible to that are people with really low self-esteem. There is no love in abuse or manipulation.
What I find particularly repulsive about the Friend Zone is the implication that a woman (or man) is suitable as a mate, but not as a friend. If you’re going into a relationship with that attitude, it’s not going to last, because ideally, lovers should be friends. Again, compatibility and chemistry is key. It is possible that longtime friends can become lovers, but I’d venture to guess that this is the exception to the rule.
If she’s not good enough to be your friend, you don’t deserve her as a lover. Get over yourself. If you open your mind and your heart, you’ll find somebody – hell, they’ll find you!
If you’re struggling with this, take heart: know that somebody you’ve met has masturbated to the fantasy of fucking you. And they never even told you. They probably make it a point to smile at you and say hi every time they see you. Wake up and smell the poon, son! It’s right there waiting for you!
THE WHITE KNIGHT REVERSAL
At this point, some of you are undoubtedly scrolling down to the comments section to call me a White Knight faggot, assuming you’ve even made it this far. Let’s talk about that.
The White Knight thing is real, of course, and it’s pretty gross. It’s similar to the Friend Zone thing in that it’s the subconscious (or conscious) act of reducing a woman down into to an object to be won. Somebody makes a negative comment, and the guy springs to her aid immediately, in the hopes that she’ll swoon over her hero and fall into his big strong arms.
This never, ever works, and it’s always, always obvious.
But the term is overused and often inappropriately applied. It’s become a buzzword for any guy defending any girl for any reason online, regardless of motive. Is compassion and respect so rare that one cannot speak out in defense of somebody who is being mistreated without being labeled for it?
I have to admit that this is an issue for me, because I’ll stand up for pretty much anybody. I’ve always been a fan of the underdog. Sometimes, I’ll even defend people I hate, if I feel like they’re being piled on. It’s in my nature to do this. It’s probably because I was mistreated as a child by my peers, and instead of letting it make me into a bitter person, I took it as an object lesson in how not to be. But I wasn’t always that way. I was a nasty little prick in high school.
If I have an ulterior motive, it’s that it makes me happy to make other people happy. So it’s pretty selfish, actually. I want people to like me, so I do things to make them like me. But it’s not a shallow effort, and I think that makes a difference.
So my problem here is that, if one is not White Knighting, but is being accused of it, does that not make the person defending the abuser a Black Knight? Yeah, that’s something to be proud of, for sure.
A DESTRUCTIVE FORCE
I’ve long believed that there are those that create, and those that destroy. Creation is ultimately an act of expression that comes from the soul. It is taking something internal and intangible, and dragging it kicking and screaming into reality.
Not everyone can do that, probably because they had that creative spark snuffed out long ago. Instead, they are the unhelpful critic; they tear down everything they don’t understand or don’t like. Anton LaVey, founder of the Church of Satan, called this Psychic Vampirism, and while I don’t agree with everything he had to say, he made some pretty strong points.
So when somebody shares something they’ve made, or posts a picture of themselves, and you’re not into it, you have three choices:
- Find something positive about it, or at least provide creative criticism in a tactful manner.
- Say nothing.
- Be a giant tool and tear that person down to make you feel better about your total inability to accomplish anything in your life ever.
The Principia Discordia contains a diagram that I have always adored, which succinctly sums up my feelings on this matter:
As you can see, this chart illustrates that destruction and chaos are mutually exclusive concepts. One can create both from order and disorder, but destruction is always destruction; it’s just a matter of whether it’s a systematic slash and burn of South American rainforests to produce lumber and make room for industrialized livestock production, or the Joker chasing cars like a dog.
PICKING ON EASY TARGETS: THE CALLING CARD OF A BULLY
I don’t know what it is about me that makes me such a prime target for trolls. I usually know when I’m being trolled, but I tend not to learn certain lessons, like, ever, so I always take the bait. Because it will be fun!
But the problem is, while I can be mean – in fact, I can be fucking vicious – it can’t maintain it for very long. Eventually, no matter how shitty the other person is, I start thinking about them on a personal level, and realize that there is a real live human being on the other side of that conversation, and I end up dropping it or even apologizing, because I just have a problem with treating people cruelly. I suppose that could be considered a strength, but then, why do I bother starting the argument to begin with?
Oh yeah, because I didn’t.
In most cases, I just seem to rub people the wrong way, and they launch into an attack. I guess I’m just an easy target because I, you know, actually express my emotions in a healthy way and don’t try to hide behind a show of bravado and pretend that nothing bothers me. God! I’m such a pussy, you know?
I would like to dispel this absurd myth that only the weak are affected by insults online. If you think I’m weak, walk a mile in my shoes. If you don’t suffer from bipolar disorder, then I would wish you the best of luck, because a day inside my head would fucking break you.
It hurts to be mistreated. It doesn’t mean you need to take it personally, or let it lower your self-image. But with the exception of unwarranted viciousness, many online insults contain a grain of truth to them.
I’ve mentioned that I was picked on as a kid. I hated it, but in retrospect, it was remarkably useful. All the things that I pride myself in doing and being now stem from the things I didn’t do when I was young. Those were the things that I was bullied for. When somebody points out something that hurts my feelings, it’s generally because I’m aware of that thing, and I don’t like that aspect of myself. But does that not motivate me to improve upon that thing?
Except sometimes, it’s not possible to do so. You can’t make a short man into a tall man. You can’t change your body type. You can’t stop being bipolar.
A friend of mine, a cam model who goes by the name keriberry_420 (not safe for work), was recently viciously attacked by a sociopathic jackass who spotted a weakness in her well-developed social armor – an aspect of her body that she is not satisfied with – and laid into her relentlessly, both publicly, and in private messages.
Understand that I don’t use the word sociopath lightly. I have known a handful of them, and I have learned that when they decide they have no use to for you, then all pretense of politeness goes out the window, and they immediately become abusive, hateful, and vindictive over every perceived slight you may have ever subjected them to.
So this sad little man makes his comments, and she stated that his abuse made her sad. A totally honest and reasonable statement, no?
His response, and I quote, was, “Your emotions are not my concern.”
I’ll repeat that:
“YOUR. EMOTIONS. ARE. NOT. MY. CONCERN.”
What… It’s just… I don’t… I can’t…
I MEAN, HOLY SHIT, WHO SAYS THAT?
Now, you could write this off as a bad day, but I looked this guy’s posting history, and was NOTHING but cruel, curt, and rude replies to people that did nothing to deserve it. I can’t help but wonder what made him the way he is, but I honestly feel bad for him. He’s going to die alone. Any friends he might have undoubtedly confirm his biases and don’t call him out on his bullshit.
And that’s what this all boils down to. We have an entire class of people who revel in pointing out what they think is pathetic about others, blissfully unaware that doing so is, so, so much more pathetic. And ultimately, they’re doing more damage to themselves than anyone else. When they’re on their death bed, and everyone that matters to them has abandoned them because they’ve been alienated for years, and they’re forced to reconcile the actions of a lifetime with their impending fall into the void, will they feel regret?
I kind of hope so. They deserve no less.