30 Things That Only a 90’s Kid Will Understand

Tom CashBlog Posts, HumorLeave a Comment

Hey all you gnarly dudes and rad chicks! Remember when you were cool?  Remember when the world still seemed to be full of promise, and even though those lame old heads running the show were obviously sellouts, at least you knew what a sham it all was to be an adult.  Remember how your were going to be different?

And now you’re all grown up and reading this stupid fucking article instead of doing something useful with your life.

WAY TO GO!

  1. Calling your parents ‘rents.
  2. You and your schoolmates secretly orchestrating the murder of a strung out, overrated junkie musician, making it look like a suicide, complete with a doctored goodbye note, and then pinning the blame on his wife.
  3. Pogs.
  4. Developing crippling coulrophobia and/or an insatiable lust for Tim Curry in greasepaint after having watch the Stephen King’s IT miniseries.
  5. T-shirts featuring Looney Tunes characters dressed up like hip-hop artists.
    hip hop Looney Tunes shirt

    It was just as embarrassing then as it is now.

  6. EXTREEEEEEEEEME disenfranchisement!
  7. Tiny Toons.
  8. Getting slimed for saying, “I don’t know.”
  9. Getting slimed because you had The Real Ghostbusters toys or that one He-Man toy.
    He-Man Slime Pit

    One out of every ten kids completely destroyed their Moss Man figure with this thing. This is because one out of ten kids was a dumb fuck.

  10. Getting slimed for letting that guy at the bus stop get too close to you.
  11. Thinking that AIDs was “the gay cancer” until that Ryan White kid proved that nobody was safe, not even a kid who probably wasn’t even gay.
  12. Metallica and The Red Hot Chili Peppers actually making good music.
  13. Getting dangled over the edge of a hotel balcony by Suge Knight for some tiny perceived slight.
    Vanilla Ice

    Honestly, who wouldn’t be tempted to do that?

  14. Kind of deserving it anyway.
  15. Animaniacs
  16. Owning one of those cheap Mexican-themed ponchos.
  17. Having it constantly reek of pot smoke.
  18. Playing hacky sack.
  19. Slowly and methodically destroying all your NES carts because you blew into them, causing the leads to corrode.
    blowing into NES cart

    This is known as a legendary fashion disaster, and I don’t think the 90’s or even the 80’s can properly explain it.

  20. Having to use the card catalog to find stuff at the library.
  21. Rugrats.
  22. Not being such a fucking pussy all the time.
    triggered

    MUH PSTDS!

  23. Waking up after being frozen in ice for 150,000 years, only to discover that your new best friend is a rambling idiot who thinks he’s a goddamn weasel or something.
  24. Being a goddamn space pimp.
    Daaaaaaamn, son.

    Daaaaaaamn, son.

  25. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.
  26. Being in the unenviable position of straddling the transition between the analog age and the digital age, not quite fitting into either.
  27. Being haunted by parental/authority figures that either exist only as a pair of disembodied legs, or as a nonsensical series of mutterings that sound somebody talking underwater.
  28. Seeing the original Star Wars movies before George Lucas took a massive CGI dump on them.
  29. Those stupid JNCO jeans that made everybody look like a blue Gumby from the waist down.
    JNCO jeans

    If you’re under the age of 20, there’s a fair chance one or both of your parents wore shit like this. You should call them out on it.  It’s only fair, because that’s what your kids are going to do when see pictures of stupid shit you’re wearing right now.

  30. The soul-crushing reality that you are no longer hip or relevant, even if you keep abreast of the latest trends. In fact, doing so only makes you look like a goofball.  Kids look at you the same way you used to look at adult; with pity and disdain.
About the Author

Tom Cash

Hi! I’m Tom. I am on a journey of constant self-improvement, and I’m thankful that you’ve chosen to join me. I’d love to hear from you.