Chatlog Fun: Volume Nine

Tom CashChatlog Fun, HumorLeave a Comment

THIS MAKES ME THINK OF A BILL PLYMPTON CARTOON

Me: Fig 1: Mr. Steven’s skin takes on various olfactory, taste, texture and pigmentation properties of the food he eats
C.B.: haha what?
Me: i dunno
Me: it just popped into my head
Me: like a lawn dart


IT DIDN’T OCCUR TO ME UNTIL LATER THAT C.B. HAD A 1 YEAR OLD BABY AT THE TIME
ashtray skull

WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BABY?!?

Me: you know how newborn babies have soft skull tissue until the fissures form on the tops of their heads?
Me: i wonder if it would be possible to mold that tissue like clay?
Me: you know, make a cup holder, or perhaps an ashtray
Me: i mean, as fucked up as that is, i’m sure somebody SOMEWHERE has tried that
C.B.: yeah you can do that


THIS DUDE HASN’T CHANGED MUCH IN THE 10+ YEARS SINCE THIS CHAT TOOK PLACE
4 car pileup

“At least it wasn’t as bad as last time.”

Me: did your gramma get mad at you for crashing your car
SKG: Not really, she just said it’s up to me to get it repaired
SKG: It shouldn’t take too much
SKG: Wasn’t an all-out totalling this time
Me: your job at the laundrymat pays well, does it?
SKG: I don’t have a job yet.
Me: oh


SQQQQQQEEEEEEEE
peeling potatoes

“Ow, ow, ow, ow., shit, fuck, shit!”

C.B.: took a potato peeler to my hog
Me: makin’ pork rinds?
C.B.: HAHAH
C.B.: that was probably the best reply possible
Me: haha
Me: Good, because I couldn’t think of anything else to say


SHITTY SUPERHEROES
Reed Richards

Who the FUCK takes this dude seriously?

Me: Well, back then, it wasn’t that important to have cool names
Me: I mean Spider-Man? Batman? Superman?
C.B.: yeah i know, but i still won’t forgive the name mr. fantastic
Me: I guess they could have called ’em Fire-Man and Rubberman
C.B.: for one, he’s NOT fantastic
C.B.: he’s stretchy
Me: he’s floppy
Me: that’s not exactly fantastic
C.B.: should have been called Mr. Floppy
Me: Mr. Limp

About the Author

Tom Cash

Hi! I'm Tom. I am on a journey of constant self-improvement, and I'm thankful that you've chosen to join me. I'd love to hear from you.